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Luci Kelemen
Written By: Luci Kelemen

Writes about way too many things. Has way too many opinions. Wants to tell all the interesting stories in the world.

May 18, 2019

While most of the CS:GO community concentrates on DreamHack Tours, the really consequential stories are developing on the matchmaking servers. We’ve received an anonymous tip from a player who asked to be identified as s1mplefan223 about rampant hacking in the lower ranks of the game. This is, of course, nothing new: however, this specific hackusation goes as far as to suggest that the developers themselves got involved in order to ruin this Silver 4 player’s gameplay experience.

It all began with a quiet and unassuming pistol round on Dust 2 where s1mplefan233’s fellow terrorists all rushed B tunnels. Being a more strategical mind, he decided to drop down suicide to catch off an eventual rotation. To his utter shock and disbelief, one of the CTs running through mid just casually one-deaged him on his way towards B, only to stop and type “ez” in the chat. The guy got two more kills on the site a few seconds later.

s1mplefan223 immediately reported him for aimhacking and griefing. Imagine his surprise when the same person shot him in the face again the following round, this time during the initial skirmish at long doors. That was when he looked at his username and realized who he was up against.

The person responsible for those despicable shots was none other than gabe.newell.hl3, and this discovery made it all make sense for him: clearly, it was a super account used by Valve’s ubermensch and was therefore protected from any sort of scrutiny.

The match ended 1-16.

Of course we lost the game – s1mplefan223 continued his story. His 2/4/17 performance had nothing to do with it, of course: it was the blatant hacking and smurfing on the part of his opponent.

He can’t keep getting away with it! – he exclaimed as he traded up ten consumer grade skins. – These F2P accounts come in and take away our fun!

s1mplefan223’s matchmaking record reads 69 wins, 3 draws and 420 losses with an overall K/D ratio of 0.62.

Gabe Newell hasn’t returned a comment by press time.

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