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Luci Kelemen
Luci Kelemen

Writes about way too many things. Has way too many opinions. Wants to tell all the interesting stories in the world.

Apr 28, 2020

Good news! Little Billy is back safe from school and now we can all celebrate his grades! A good little student of Icefrog High, he is taught everything one has to learn about the history of The International, from Dendi to ana, from Cologne to Shanghai. Has he reached the expected level of academic excellence or did he bring shame upon the family? Time to check out his report card…

GeographTI

Though little Billy could correctly identify Germany on the map, it seemed like he only had the basics nailed down and it’s clear there’s a long way to go if he wants to become a top student. Grade: D

SoTIology

We appreciate Billy’s interest in contemporary Chinese culture, notably the car manufacturing industry, but unfortunately his focus on obsolete sources and information means that we can’t give him as good a grade as his effort deserves. Grade: B

TIstory

Billy’s ability to memorize each historical Alliance and their wins was an extremely impressive feat, and his focus on European history made him stand out from the rest of the class. Grade: A

PhyTIcal Education

Billy’s previous sporting experience has shown as he’s outperformed many of the age group benchmarks as a newbie, his endurance and agility putting him a class above his classmates. Grade: A

RoboTIcs

Initially, Billy made a great impression and he clearly has the ability to grasp the complicated concepts at a very early age, but his tendency to ignore his work and maniacally laugh instead has us concerned about his focus and commitment. Grade: C

PhoTIgraphy

Billy’s uncanny ability to find new approaches to even the most well-established art tenets has certainly caught everyone’s attention. He passed the exams with flying colors and we highly recommend that he pursues this vocation further in the future. Grade: A

ChemisTI

Though Billy is wrong in his assessment that identifying the difference between liquid and gaseous matters is the most important part of the science, his enthusiasm and interest and all the time and effort he put into preparing for classes has not gone unnoticed. Grade: C

MaTImathics

Please let Billy know that he can’t rely on acing the end-of-year tests without putting in any effort during the school year. Probability and the law large numbers doesn’t work this way. Grade: A

Foreign languages: Chinese

For God’s sake Billy you won’t keep getting away with an iota of this in the fancy Swedish college you applied for!!! Grade: A

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